Last Updated on April 5, 2023 by Team CrazyJackz
Imagine a tap dripping, one second at a time. It can be really frustrating to see the water trickling down.
Similarly, have you ever been in a relationship where your partner unceremoniously dropped a bomb? Well, if you can relate to this, trickle truthing may have affected you.
So, what is trickle truth? Why and How people trickle truth after infidelity? What’s the damage caused by it? Finally, How to deal with trickle truthing? Well, let’s find out..
What is Trickle Truth?
Trickle truthing is when your partner gradually divulges knowledge to you at key moments in your relationship. Simply put, when a cheater tells one narrative of the affair but omits some details; this is known as a trickle truth. Additional information “trickles” out over time (and in response to enquiries). Thus, through time, different versions of the truth surfaces.
Most of the time, when the truth is being slowly revealed, it is something that the person is afraid you would judge them for or dislike.
Trickle truthing may occur in any aspect of a relationship, and is most commonly seen in matters of extra marital affairs. Generally, you may anticipate that someone who stops an affair and wants to rebuild their relationship with their partner and family would change themselves as a person. Thus, trickle truthing and spreading further lies in the wake of the deceit they have already had, is a very bad idea.
Why & How do people engage in Trickle truthing?
There are a few justifications for trickle truthing. The most typical one is self-defence. Also, another frequently argued defence of many ex-cheaters is that they lie to save their partner from more suffering, after all the agony they have already caused.
Whatever may be the excuse, with trickle truthing, they’re giving themselves time to measure your response and trying to get ready for the worst, by releasing the information gradually.
Now, let’s see how trickle truthing happens after infidelity..
Let’s imagine, for illustration, that your partner cheated on their ex. They might avoid telling you the matter immediately, especially if they know you’ll condemn them or get angry. Instead, they might wait until you and the relationship are further along before casually bringing it up in conversation as if it were no big issue.
Yes, firstly, cheaters try to test the waters. Later, the cheater tries to make it seem not that horrible. As a result, the deceived tend to only hear a portion of the truth.
“They were merely a pal.” “During work, he/she had an affair with me.” “I was mentally disoriented.” “I assumed you were unconcerned.” These post-affair lies frequently aim to downplay the details of the affair, including whether it was sexual, the manner in which they met, how romantically involved they were, how much money was spent, who else knew, etc.
Thus, although the faithful partner chips away at the story, the former cheater withholds “damaging” material and offers a false front.
The betrayed spouse then starts to notice that the facts don’t match up, that their memory differs from the new truth being told, or that they have found some concrete evidence (emails, Facebook contacts, etc.) that blatantly exposes another lie. When confronted with this contradictory information, the former cheater responds by disclosing a little more of the genuine truth while claiming, “I didn’t want to harm you more than I already had, no more lies, I swear.”
The betrayed partner analyses, re-examines and dissects every word in an effort to put together and understand the true history of their lives throughout their partner’s affair. And then, yet more “truth” comes gushing out, like rotten pus from a squeezed pimple.
Damage caused by Trickle truthing after infidelity: Is it abuse?
Rarely do we learn from a betrayed partner that their cheating partner has been upfront with them about the depth of their infidelity from the beginning. It is much more possible that the information has been released gradually over time. This is a very difficult way for the betrayed spouse to know about the affair.
Now, when the betrayed partner decides to seek reconciliation, it is obviously an uphill task if they don’t find out the whole truth. Every time a new truth is exposed, any remaining goodwill or credibility is destroyed, and when the betrayed spouse learns that previously hidden information is constantly being revealed, they begin to doubt everything once more.
Even worse is when lies are told to downplay the truth or cover up other lies. In fact, every time a lie is exposed, the initial shock of the affair’s discovery is replayed. The repeated attack on their feeling of security, emotional stability, and self-esteem comes with an added punch in the gut as they criticize themselves for being so foolish to have believed the cheater in the first place. The partner’s sense of betrayal and exploitation deepens as they realize that the foundations of any reunion are being laid by the cheater on further lies.
How to deal with Trickle truthing in the right way?
If your partner is trickle truthing, it is better you deal with it properly. Else you’ll be more prone to lies and manipulation.
So, how to deal with this?
1. Gather all the facts and evidences. Remember, the more facts you have, the lesser your partner will be able to trickle truth you with lies. Thus, gather every possible evidence and proofs before you listen to anything your cheating partner says.
2. Cross question more. Another way to stop your partner from trickle truthing you, is by doing a cross-examination. Ask them more questions, cross-check everything they are saying with the things they have said in the past. Also, question them whenever you feel like there is a chance of trickle truthing.
3. Ask them to Prove everything. The best way to avoid trickle truthing from your partner is by asking them to prove everything. Well, it may be hard to directly say someone to prove their words. However, since that they have already cheated on you and that they have already broken your trust, you can directly tell them to prove whatever they say.
Every specific detail he/she says including – the time they met, things they have done, the extent the intimacy has gone etc; ask them to prove everything with proper evidence. Finally, only trust those statements which your cheating partner would be able to prove with evidence. Thus, doing so, you can avoid believing the new lies your partner tells.
How to deal with Trickle truthing (As a cheater)?
While the truth might be painful, that shouldn’t be an excuse for hiding it. It’s not necessary to instantly disclose every tidbit of information when telling the truth. The first stage should instead be a truthful and honest portrayal of the genuine nature and extent of the affair, conveyed without exaggeration or obscene commentary and with as much sympathy as possible.
Remember, the effort to regulate and manipulate when the truth is a tiny bit embellished, despite the fact that it may appear innocent or even protective, that amounts to more hurt and dishonesty in the eyes of the faithful partner.
Thus, it’s crucial to be succinct and straightforward while summarizing the affair, as the faithful partner should decide when to reveal further information. If requested, avoid sharing too much information, but don’t suppress important or consequential details either.
Not everyone is interested in the specifics, and admitting to the affair does not give you (the cheater) permission to let go of your own guilt and repressed emotions for your own sake. Offloading knowledge that the devoted partner hasn’t asked for may help you feel less burdened, but disclosure is not a time for a soul-searching confession. Honestly tell the truth, but also take responsibility for your own actions.
Whether or not you decide to stay together, provide your partner with support, empathy, and kindness. Respect them sufficiently to provide them with all the facts they require in order for them to make an educated decision on their own lives. After all, when you began an affair, you believed you had the right to make your own decisions.
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