Jack used to shower love on me when we first entered a relation.
I know he was shy and introverted.. But he cared for me and used to make me feel important..
But as the days started passing by, things started changing.. He started abusing me, he always wants attention from me.. He is so self-centered and even manipulates with his constant lies.
Yes.. Jack is a covert narcissist sucking his relationship partner day after day.
The words “covert narcissism”: Who is a covert narcissist?
The word “covert” means secret or something that is hidden. And yes, the hidden introverted narcissists are what we call as the covert narcissists.
Narcissists are selfish, self-centric people who feel excess greatness about themselves. A typical narcissist believes that he/she is an extraordinary person and must be given special treatment by everyone. Moreover, they love to be at the center of attention, and always search for an opportunity to brag about their achievements and greatness.
Now, what about these covert narcissists?
Covert narcissists are a peculiar type of narcissists who possess all the characteristics of a normal narcissist added with extra qualities like shyness, introverted nature, zero morals, extreme self-doubts, and very low confidence.
Yes, in simple they are a subtype in the category of narcissists.
What is even more threatening is, unlike the typical overt narcissists, you can’t easily detect these covert narcissists. They generally appear as normal, slow-going, empathetic individuals disguised under an evil mask of narcissism.
The covert narcissism traits: How to discover if he/she is a covert narcissist?
a) The covert narcissists often self-absorb themselves in an activity that makes them feel important. This includes various things like excessive book reading, knowing technologies, excessive social networking, playing video games etc. Thus by doing so, they avoid social interactions and additionally get the narcissistic supply of feeling great.
b) Hate to be under the spotlight: While typical narcissists love to be at the center of attention, covert narcissist fear to be the center of attention. So, if your partner feels excessive grandiose for themselves while fear to be under people’s eyes, then its a sign of covert narcissism.
c) The covert narcissists never consider themselves wrong, and moreover blames the other person for everything bad that happens in his/her life.
d) Another common trait of a narcissist is the lack of empathy. Although some overt narcissists act empathetically due to the social image, covert narcissists even lack that too. So, they become a person of zero empathy treating people around them as objects to meet their needs.
7 Unusual Patterns to expect with Covert Narcissism in relationships:
See, you may have already seen many websites which bombard you with some absolute non sense, which are no way practical. But I at crazyJackz only give you practical conclusions that are true to real life.
1. The complete undermining and judging:
If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist you are sure to face serious undermining. Yes, a typical covert narcissist judges you for everything. For example, if you tell your covert narcissist that you achieved something, the narcissist simply undermines you by saying something rude.
Yes, the covert narcissists having no empathy, they judge you, undermine you and suppress all your achievements in life.
2. Constant Drama:
As narcissists are charismatic they tend to get a lot of narcissistic supply from various people. But it’s not the case for covert narcissists. The covert narcissists being introverted has a very limited number of people in their life.
While their narcissistic nature constantly thirsts for the supply of attention, they lack people who really provide them with the narc supply. This is what makes them suck their partners completely. Thus they shout, create drama, beg etc and do whatever they need to do, to suck your entire resources and the supply.
3. The manipulations:
If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, expect for a complete manipulation. Yes, lies lies and lies. Everything in your life becomes a lie. The covert narcissist typically manipulates your entire world just to get his/her narcissistic supply.
As the covert narcissist lacks moral and ethics, you may feel that you are constantly being in a jail of emotions just to cater to the needs of your covert narcissist.
4. The Hypersensitivity for criticism:
If possible just try to criticize your narcissist and see his/her reaction? Yes, the wildness of your covert narcissists will even scare you. And you need to expect the same whenever you criticize your covert narcissist.
The covert narcissists are low confident, doubtful individuals. They constantly feel less worthy and thus gets angry whenever someone criticizes them. Moreover, the covert narcissists unable to keep up the emotional trauma, show it on other victims around them. General covert narcissist burst-outs can vary from random abusing to taking serious revenge on the person criticized. And if it’s their partner who criticized, it surely involves some serious blaming and silent treatments.
5. It’s all about them and you are nowhere:
If you are in relation with a covert narcissist never expect “How are you?” “Do you want anything?” etc etc questions from them. Yes, for all narcissists including the covert narcissists it’s all about them. The covert narcissists never ever think/care about their partner. They simply think/beleive that the relationship exists only to serve their needs.
Thus as a partner, your needs completely go unnoticed, making you feel alone all the time. And finally, even after doing everything the narcissist wants, the covert narcissists again demands that you never cared for them.
6. Constant Jealousy and distrusts come up:
Another common trait of a covert narcissist is serious insecurity. Thus being a partner of a covert narcissist your relationship goes under a roller coaster ride of jealousy.. distrust.. lack of loyalty etc.
Thus in simple more than the love, your entire love life starts filling with fear, embarrassment, and guilt.
7. Instead of leaving you, they force you to become as they want:
It is common for a narcissist to leave you, as soon as they stop getting your narcissistic supply. Contrary, this is not the case with a covert narcissist. Unlike normal narcissists, the covert narcissists won’t leave you even though the relationship has bad.
As covert narcissists get a little or no narcissistic supply from others, for them you become his/her only source of narcissistic supply. Thus even though his narcissistic supply goes off, instead of leaving you they urge you, push you and force you to do things that make the narcissist ego satisfied.
At times, the covert narcissist may even fake that the relationship was entirely perfect just to avoid the discard or the breakup happening.
How to properly deal your covert narcissist Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
The proper way of dealing with the covert narcissism in relationships is by giving him/her their much awaiting narcissistic supply. While supplying them the narcissistic supply, you also need to take proper care that you are not being used up, manipulated or abused.
In simple what you need to do is take the control of the entire relationship, while keeping the narcissist in a feeling that he/she was the one who has the control. This can be done by giving the covert narcissist, the supply when needed while immediately pulling off as soon as the narcissist goes out of control.
Additionally, you can also teach your covert narcissism about the narcissism and psychology. Although telling them directly may backfire, you may indirectly make your covert narcissist know the truths about narcissism, his past wounds and how he needs to cope up with them.
In case of covert narcissist abuse, drama, or anything, make sure to be ignoring everything and stand like a stone of zero emotions. Thus this gradually makes the covert narcissist stop everything.
Finally, if you want to leave away your covert narcissist, it is better to do it as soon as possible. This is because, as days pass by, it becomes seriously difficult as the covert narcissist may indulge in serious threatening and revenge post-breakup.