Why Does An Old Flame Contacts You? 12 Surprising Reasons

Last Updated on October 13, 2022 by Team CrazyJackz

Ending a relationship and finally trying to move on, starting a new life from the crumbled part of your soul, is one of the most courageous things you could do to yourself.

Sometimes it hurts when your mind takes you to memory lane, giving unwanted flashbacks to you. These flashbacks still seem to be bearable, but what if your old flame (ex-lover) tries to reach out and initiate a conversation with you?

The simple Hi from an old flame can be a roller coaster to you. Relieving the past is great if you have a good one, but when it aches, it becomes difficult to deal with it. Thus, it is very obvious to feel uneasy and confused when the old flame from the past is trying to revisit you.

Your mind might go crazy trying to think of every reason he/she could have texted you, since there isn’t just one. Whenever old flames try to contact you after ages of no contact, your mind will be flooded with questions about why he/she is reaching out to me. Perhaps you are wondering if you already ended things with this person, What is it that he/she needs from me?

So, Why does an old flame contact you? What does it mean? Why is he/she reaching out to you when you are both finally moved on from the broken relationship? Well, let’s find out..

Why does an Old flame contact you? 12 Reasons

Why Does An Old Flame Contacts You? 12 Surprising Reasons

Moving on is not easy for anyone; after that, getting a text or call may disturb your mental peace. You don’t know why the old flame is contacting you and what’s their intention. Here, we bring 10 reasons that help you know why an old flame is contacting you.

  1. They haven’t moved on

If an old flame contacts you unexpectedly, it may signify that they are still interested in you. Yes, there is a probability that somewhere they are still into you or can’t get over you even though they ended the relationship.

So after time has passed, if the old flame contacts you again, they may be wishing to reunite the relationship. In fact, they might not be able to handle the fact that you have decided to move on from them and are now in a happy, committed relationship.

  1. Looking for closure on something

Breakups occur without warning, and numerous loose ends might remain. There may be several questions in each other’s mind after a breakup.

Let’s say, for instance, that you ended your relationship because you were no longer in love with the guy. Now, your guy might have unexpectedly recalled a date or special moment you both had a few days before splitting up and wondering whether you were still in love with him at that time.

People naturally want answers, even though there are likely to be many unanswered questions. And thus, in order to seek closure and get answers to their one or many questions, an old flame might be contacting you now.

  1. Looking you as a second option

This could be another common reason why your old flame is contacting you. They want to keep you as a second option or as a backup plan. So just enough messages are sent to keep you at arm’s length in case he/she starts hooking up with you again.

Thus, instead of letting yourself act as someone’s safety net, it is better to cut all ties or forge genuine friendships.

  1. Maybe they need your help

At times, your old flame reaches out because they guess that you are and will still be there to help them.

  1. Feeling guilty of wrongdoings

Many times, people try to catch up with you to seek your forgiveness. So if your old flame constantly feels guilty of their wrongdoings, then he/she might contact you again just to let go off their guilt. Thus, by contacting you again and being nice to you, it helps them heal their guilt.

For a long time, every person goes through a stage of sickening emotion of remorse. Seeking forgiveness for whatever they have done to you is one of their ways to attain peace.

  1. Revenge Thoughts

Your ex may have broken up with you, deleted your social media posts, and blocked your phone number because they wanted to harm you or interfere with your mental stability.

However, you’ll still never know what they’re thinking now. It’s possible that your old flame wanted to hurt you again for some reason. Your old flame may be trying to get back at you if they randomly get in touch with you. It’s possible that they got in touch with you to take advantage of you.

So, remember that when an old flame contacts you, it’s also possible that their goal might be just to undermine your sense of worth and destroy your self-esteem.

  1. Their new partner is bad and They are missing you now

There is an old saying that when they fail to replace you, then they are surely going to miss you. Your ex may have ended things because they felt you weren’t good enough for them, but now that they’re seeing someone worse, they may regret their choice.

They may have found someone else and started dating them after breaking up with you, but they may now be dealing with serious problems and flaws that they didn’t have with you.

  1. They are drunk

This could be a possibility too. Yes, your old flame could be simply drunk now, and thus this outreach shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

They aren’t making clear decisions anyway. So, just tell them you’ll talk to them the following day. But be cautious. Do not rekindle your romance with them. Do not indicate to your old flame in any way that you are not content in your current relationship. Because that’s when your ex-lover will take advantage of the occasion to meet you.

  1. They want an ego boost

The main motive behind someone wanting to stay in touch with you after a break-up is to feel better about themselves. People frequently have innate selfishness. And there, your old flame is probably currently more focused on their needs than yours. They want to build their ego back after it was damaged during a breakup. Thus, they desire your focus and want acknowledgement that you still find them attractive and like them.

Also, some individuals seem incapable of letting go of you because doing so would be too painful for their egos. For them, it is difficult to recover from rejection. As a result, they will keep contacting you via phone and text in the hopes that you will return their calls and let them know they are still needed. It’s an arbitrary outreach, so take it for what it’s worth.

  1. They feel lonely

You know that your old flame is no longer interested in you, yet he/she might be still stuck in the same relationship trying to reach out to you. But why? This is because they might be simply feeling lonely and thus interested in some emotional connection again.

Yes, your old flame got in touch with you after the breakup because they are now in need of meaningful human contact and are lonely. So they may be trying to re-enter your life because they feel abandoned and hurt and want to experience companionship.

  1. Genuinely worried about you

Sometimes, an old flame you broke up with might still want to stay in touch with you because they are concerned about you. The fact is that some individuals genuinely and honestly care about the welfare of others. Frequently, these people will inquire about your well-being and the state of your life.

Extremely painful breakups can trigger a wide range of emotions. They have the power to plunge us into hopelessness quickly. Knowing this, some people genuinely care about their ex’s welfare and want to see if there is any way they can support them.

Simple curiosity about how you’re doing can sometimes be all that is required. They might be concerned that you aren’t doing anything to harm yourself, especially if they notice that you are acting unusually after the breakup.

  1. Wants to be friends again

It’s possible that your breakup was abusive and aggressive, with anger on both sides. Alternatively, you might have reached an amicable agreement to stop communicating to protect both of your feelings. Regardless, they want you back in their life as a friend if they break a protracted period of silence on the phone.

This might be even more likely if you were friends before dating. If this is the case, it might mean that he/she no longer carries any grudges or romantic attachments toward you and now wants to spend time with you spiritually.


Instead of overthinking why they tried to contact you after so long, try to focus on your mental peace and avoid a quick response.

If you are okay to be friends with them, make sure you manifest a healthy one with certain strong boundaries. This time, evaluate and introspect yourself and step ahead accordingly. If you have any doubt or something triggering you, then it is better to give respected closure.

Riya Mishra