Last Updated on July 4, 2022 by Team CrazyJackz
Marriage is an incredibly intimate relationship that is built with trust, love, respect, understanding, equality, and a lot of communication. You often are uncomfortable talking about monetary issues with your spouse, especially if he earns more than you or he is the only one earning.
Now, What if your husband says his money is his? What if your husband doesn’t share his money with you? What if he makes you ask for money every time? Then that’s when you start feeling bad and a lot of things start popping up in your mind.
When your Husband says His Money is His:
In some relationships where the husband earns well and the wife is a homemaker this problem persists from the very beginning, but if you are doing well financially then this problem comes up gradually when you either quit your job or a crisis happens to your career. Either way, it is not good for you or your relationship as a whole. This is humiliation and in psychological terms financial abuse.
Remember, in any successful marriage, you should communicate about everything from the very beginning. Just like you talk about your feelings, emotional needs, and stability in your relationship you should also normalize talking about money matters in the relationship and this doesn’t make you a bad person or a gold digger to talk about these things.
You should talk to him about – What makes him think that his money is his only in a mutual relationship? How did his words make you feel? And everything else you need to. As I said before, communicating with your partner is the only solution to every problem in the relationship.
So, what to do if your husband says his money is his? How to deal with a husband who doesn’t share his money with you? What to say and communicate to him? Let us see..
What to do if my Husband says His money is His? How to deal with it?
Here are a few techniques to handle such a situation in your relationship.
Communication can solve your problem and therefore you must sit and talk it out with your partner. Talk to him about his conditions; his day at work, and try to gather information about what made him say so. It is also possible that he is stressed and said so out of frustration without realizing its terrible effect on you. Tell him how hurt you are by his offensive words.
Ask him about his earnings and spending, about the monthly spending of the family, and his contributions to it. Talk about everything related to money. Tell him it’s rude of him to behave like this and make you feel inferior which you are not and you won’t tolerate this type of behavior anymore.
2. Equal shares:
The grocery, kids, expenses, and anything concerned with the house and family is the responsibility of both and he can not neglect it at any cost.
Talk to him about having a joint account in the bank to which both of you can have access and both should contribute to it a fixed amount as per your earnings each month without fail. If he earns more then, he has to contribute more to the expenditure.
3. Start working:
If you were a working woman before and stopped working because of family, or any other reasons then try to find a suitable and comfortable job of your choice and start working and earning again and show him it’s not only he who can earn money, you too can but choose not to for his and his family’s sake. Begging for money isn’t your thing and you won’t allow anyone including him to treat you like that.
4. Be valued:
You need to understand that value comes from confidence, so be confident about what you do, think, speak, or believe in. Present your views and opinions confidently, and believe in yourself to make him believe in you.
You both are equal as human beings and he in no way is superior to you even if he earns more than you. Earning is no way to make him any bigger or better than you. You too are working hard in the house and deserve to be treated right.
5. Realizing mistakes:
Make it clear to him that saying that his money only belongs to him is so selfish of him and relationships don’t work out on selfish accounts. He must realize that this family is his too, so the responsibility including financial aid is also his concern and as a family member he must help you in your times of need.
If your happiness and pleasures are to be shared with him so are your problems and crisis and he can not back off from it.
6. Decide first:
As a family, you too have equal rights to decide whether to buy something or not for the house. You need to include yourself in every finance-related discussion to show your involvement in every major issue in the family.
He needs to understand that he requires consulting you on spending and saving matters as you too are a valuable person in the house. And if someone can not change things in his office room without consulting him, he too can not do that to your office which is your house.
This issue is making you grow apart as a couple as well as a family without your absolute knowledge. You are drifting apart eventually. Counseling can be your savior as this can help you both realize what is the real problem within the relationship.
It has been seen that many couples came closer after having the right guidance from a therapist or counselor. Save it before there is nothing left to save or fight for.
8. The hard way:
If things still don’t seem to work out then you must take support by consulting a financial expert and taking their advice. I understand that this may sound a bit harsh but it is what you need now.
You need to understand that as much as you love this person and are trying to save this relationship it’s not going to work out if he keeps on abusing you financially. It may sound just a small matter now but it’ll grow within you with time leaving you stressed and depressed. He’s not just cutting you off from financial matters but almost cutting you off from your freedom without your obvious knowledge.
This is the last thing to do of course but it is better done if things are slipping off of your hand. Despite you trying everything, if he still doesn’t understand that the problem is with him then probably he values and loves money more than he loves you.
It’s better to save yourself than to save a relationship that is not in your hands to save anymore. No one is greater than you and your self-esteem, not even the person you love the most and you need to understand this. It is better to walk away from a loveless and abusive relationship than to be alone in a relationship that was meant for two persons.
Why does your Husband say his money is his? What makes him think so?
Till now we have discussed some of the tips and techniques to help you when your husband says his money is his, but below we will be discussing what caused this situation..
- Lack of communication:
I already have mentioned a few times in this article that communication is the key to every problem. Many of you or almost every one of you hate having a conversation about money with your man but this is the thing that needs addressing even before marriage.
You should talk to him about his earnings and spending and clear out how these things should be done after marriage. Avoiding this conversation then is why you have reached here now. He needs to understand his responsibilities as a family person.
Maybe his financial condition is also drifting apart and he is worried about the expenses. No matter what the way he reacts is unacceptable but we all react the same way when we are stressed aren’t we?
So, you sit and talk to him about his problems at work, his savings, his goals, and everything, and if he’s facing losses recently assure him that you are with him in this and you shall overcome eventually.
- Not to hold accountability:
He might be doing this so that he doesn’t have to be answerable for his reckless spending on his hobbies and interests. To avoid this conversation with you and to spend his earnings as he wishes, he might simply be saying that his money is his.
Tell him he can spend his money as he wishes to but family comes first even before him hence he is responsible for the members of the family and can not run away from his responsibilities.
Some people are bullies from the very beginning like in school, or college and they enjoy making other people beg and suffer for something so small and mere. These people when growing up grow those childhood bullying natures within themselves. If he is doing so just for his pleasure’s sake then he is the most horrible person in this world. And he in no way deserves you.
To sum this whole article up I would suggest that you should sit and talk if that doesn’t work out for you then seek outside help like counseling and if it still doesn’t work out then it’s best to walk away.
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