“My boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually. What should I do?”. This was the question asked by one of our visitors who was seriously depressed.
So, we decided to answer her and really help her out.. And the result is the below article written by a top psychologist. Here we go.
All men want sex. If he’s not getting it from you, then he is getting it from somewhere else. Sex is the best way to keep your man happy. Ladies, you have all heard these clichés throughout your lifetime. You are told that sex is all men care about and it is the most important thing to them. To some extent, this can be considered true, but lots of men have a little more depth to them than that.
These beliefs about men and sex have caused turmoil in many relationships. You get very nervous when your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually. You see it as the end of the relationship is coming or that there is another woman in his life. In reality, there could be other reasons for the sexual drought. Consider these other potential reasons he doesn’t seem interested in you sexually:
4 Real Reasons Why your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually
1. Medical Reasons:
Your boyfriend could have a medical condition that is negatively affecting his libido. It could be something he is not even aware of. Sometimes a loss of sex drive can be the first sign that something is wrong. So, this should be considered a potential cause for the decline in your sex life and explored to be sure your beau is healthy.
Medication can also be the culprit. There are hundreds of prescriptions and even OTC medications that list, loss of sexual desire and other sexual problems, as a side effect. This cause can sometimes be reversed with an adjustment or change in medication.
Another medical issue your boyfriend might be uncomfortable admitting to is low testosterone. Like women, men can have fluctuations in their hormone levels. As the primary sex hormone, when testosterone levels decline so does his libido or sex drive. As with a medical condition, your boyfriend may not be aware of his low testosterone level or if he is, he may be ashamed. When exploring this option, you want to be very sensitive to his feelings and ego about the topic.
2. Mental Health Reasons:
Comparable to medical conditions, mental health concerns can negatively affect his libido as well. The most common diagnoses that affect sex drive are depression and anxiety. His anxiety or extreme worry can be triggered by anything; however, a common trigger for anxiety for men is the worry of not being able to perform adequately or to your expectations. Depression can take away his energy to have sex, motivation to be intimate, and make him feel unworthy of you, your love or your body.
Mental health concerns are usually harder for the individual experiencing it to notice it, so the observations of the partner are usually the first clue that there is a concern. Pay attention to his behavior and interactions outside the concerns of intimacy; have you noticed a change in other areas. Don’t be afraid to offer your help.
Self-esteem issues and stress can look like anxiety sometimes when it really is a lack of confidence. Did something change the last time you and your boyfriend had sex? If he feels like he can’t pleasure you or get you to climax, then he may feel like a failure. Most men that fail at any challenge are not jumping at the chance to get back on the horse, so to speak. The stress of his regular daily responsibilities can also decrease his desires for sex.
3. Change in Relationship:
If there has been a change in your relationship, this could cause your boyfriend to question where things stand with you and him. Has either one of you become self-sufficient with your sexual needs? If masturbat*on or p*rn has become a larger part of your relationship, he may be less focused on couple intimacy. If these options were introduced to the bedroom due to boredom or predictability, then it may be time to add some spice and spontaneity. You can put an end to this isolating behavior by initiating couple intimacy more frequently and uninhibited.
Has something changed about you? Men are visual creatures and if your appearance has changed then he may have lost interest in you. Or is it that you have stopped being affectionate or doing things for him? If a man does not feel wanted it can hurt his feelings and his ego. It is difficult for a man to be intimate or desires sex from a woman that has chipped away at him. Sometimes when our relationship is not going the way we want it to, it is time to look in the mirror for a solution.
4. He Moved On:
As hurtful as it can be to admit, you do have to consider the possibility that he has found someone else. Your boyfriend has made the conscious choice not to be loyal to you for whatever reason. If you confront him about it he may be honest with you or he may not. Moving on can be done in a variety of ways: an affair, a one-night stand, online relationships, sexting, or just spending an enormous amount of time with another woman in a non-platonic fashion. In this situation, you will have to decide if you want to fight for the relationship or move on to another. The right decision for this situation is determined on a case-by-case basis.
Ladies, these are just a few reasons your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually. However, a man’s behavior involves many different variables, thus each man may have a unique reason for not wanting to be intimate with you.
What should you do now? How to handle such a boyfriend who isn’t interested in you sexually anymore?
There is always the option to do nothing and hope things get better. Nevertheless, if you want to take control of your life and your relationship then you have to do something. Here are a few ideas you can try:
Firstly, Maintain Self-Esteem:
Now that you have realized there is a problem in your relationship, specifically in the intimacy arena, don’t automatically blame yourself or assume something is wrong with you. As stated above, there are lots of reasons for his behavior change outside of you. Also, it is not recommended you be quick to lay blame on him. At puberty we learned that our hormones have a mind of their own and are usually out of our control; the same notion can apply to this situation. Focus on maintaining both of your self-esteem and being patient with each other.
Some resolutions can have immediate results, but the majority of them take time and work. So, remember to build each other up, appreciate each other, and keep each other focused on the positives and the happiness that may come in the future.
There is only one guaranteed solution to this relationship problem… Communication. You must talk to him about your concerns pertaining to the changes in your sex life. He can’t read your mind and he can’t fix something that he doesn’t know is broken.
Now you are thinking how does he not know this is a problem. He may know it exists, but he may not know that you consider it a problem. Also, if the cause is from a medical or mental health reason, he could very well be oblivious to the problem. You want to discuss this when the relationship is in good status. In the middle of an argument about his clothes being left on the floor is not the time to bring this up. This is a sensitive topic so all parties must be in a calm and accepting state of mind.
Determining the cause and creating resolutions is a combined effort. This is something you two need to do together. Do not put all the responsibility on him or allow him to put it all on you. You may come to the decision to reach out for help. It is recommended that you get help from a sex therapist. It is always a good option to have a mediator help you to stay focused and reach your goals. It is also recommended that family members or mutual friends be left out of this type of relationship concern. You two are the experts of your relationship and no one else can determine the best plan of action for you two.
You Move On:
It is recommended that this be the last resort. If you feel that you have done all you can to resolve this issue, then you may feel it is time to move on to the next chapter in your life solo. You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. If your boyfriend is not willing to work with you to fix this concern, you can’t force him to. The only person you can control is yourself. You have to be realistic about your sexual needs. If your boyfriend legitimately can’t meet your sexual needs and desires, then it is unfair to hold him to unrealistic expectations. He may not be the man for you. This option should involve a lot of thinking, soul searching, and prayer if you are faith-based. Make sure you are choosing this option for the right reasons and make sure it is the best option for you.
Sometimes women can’t manage their feelings from the rejection and disappointments from a relationship, especially when it pertains to sex. If you need help, please contact a counselor for therapy. You can learn to manage your fears and concerns that come with any relationship. You can also learn to enjoy your boyfriend, your relationship, and your life.
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